The Desires of My Heart

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Don’t chase your dreams. Chase the God Who has dreams for you.
                                                                                    —Eric Allen
I was scrolling down tumblr when I found this quote by Eric Allen.
It hit me. Hard.

I have dreams, we all do, right? And most of my life’s decisions have been all about pursuing those dreams — to live comfortably financially, to travel the world, and to write a book about my travels.
But this quote got me thinking of what ifs.
What if God told me to let go? What if He tells me that those things are not what He wants me to do? What if He says that I won’t be leaving the Philippines, that I’m here to stay? What if?
Will I rebel and still pursue my dreams or will I let go and let Him lead me?
Honestly, I was not sure what I would do.
I was so invested and focus on my dreams and what I want to do with my life that I have no room to hear what God wills for me. I’ve surrendered to Him my studies, my family, my relationships. Now, He wants my dreams too?
Then these questions popped in my head: What is your purpose? What is the source of your delight? What are you living for? What is surrender? What does dying to self meant to you?
I know all the answers to these questions. I know what I have to do. But of course, knowing & doing are two different things. I may know, but that doesn’t mean that I do it.
Then maybe I should start doing.
There is a quote from Elisabeth Elliot:
“What God gives us is not necessarily ‘ours’ but only ours to offer back to Him, ours to relinquish, ours to lose, ours to let go of, if we want to be our true selves. Many deaths must go into reaching our maturity in Christ, many letting goes.”
The death of letting go of my dreams is not an easy choice.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t have dreams anymore. Of course, I still want to travel and write BUT I would be okay if God says no to them. I would be okay if He leads me to another path. I would be okay if He tells me to let go of them.
My desire to honor God have grown stronger than my desire to pursue my dreams. I have began to fully understand what “Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” [Psalm 37:4 ] means.  Delighting myself in God should come first and then He would transform my heart and my desires to His. Joy & satisfaction would never come from fulfilling my desires but from delighting in the Lord. Emptying my heart of these desires resulted into having more room for Jesus—into receiving more of Him.
Let me tell you that only in Him could we ever find real satisfaction and meaning, my loves. Only in Jesus. So let us ask ourselves:
Which comes first: God or my dreams?
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